


Tin Roof Rusted

by schim



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alien Biology, Angst, Drama, M/M, Mpreg, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-08-17
Updated: 2011-09-20
Packaged: 2017-10-22 17:29:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/240672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schim/pseuds/schim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tavros, a young troll of about 24 Earth years who already struggles with the stresses of a recent graduate still trying to make the leap from job to career, finds himself unexpectedly pregnant with no matesprit to speak of to help him through it.</p><p>This is set in an AU where the trolls are a peaceful species who have made contact and eventually cohabited with humans on Earth as allies for the past fifty years. [HIATUS]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The Mpreg tag was used due to technicality when in fact it is the impregnation of a hermaphroditic species with set gender identities, which is why Tavros identifies as male despite having both sex organs.
> 
> This fic uses the Troll Reproductive Biology idea found here: <http://archiveofourown.org/works/240594>
> 
> **!NOTE!  
> **  
> !PLEASE READ!  
>  Despite this being a fic about pregnancy there will be **NO** squicky details on the actual act of birth. That is **NOT** the focus. This is **NOT** a fetish fic for birth/egg laying/etc, but instead focuses on the issues surrounding unplanned pregnancies and how it affects the characters, as well as their relationships with one another.
> 
> ALSO PLEASE NOTE!  
> Tavros was never crippled in this AU.
> 
> \------------------  
> This fic is on HIATUS status which means that it is completely outlined and may someday be finished.

Tavros took a moment to lean all his weight on the doorknob with his hand at the ready. Not yet. He couldn’t just stumble into his apartment with his chest heaving and empty of breath. Below, his aching leg muscles shook from their mistreatment, from being pushed far past their ability.

A stray bead of sweat down his temple brought Tavros back into the moment. His mind kept wandering off like a dog on a rubber leash, pulled back with a painful snap once it strayed too far. It was tied to just one single thought.

A thought that held fast onto the mass of his mind as he finally turned the knob to tumble inside. A thought that pulsed like a throbbing tumor, ever growing as he had to hold his breath to keep from wheezing. A single thought that pounded like a drum, demanding to be heard when he closed the bathroom door behind him and looked down at the plastic bag in his hands.

As complicated as the thought was, it boiled down to one simple word.

 _Fuck_.

Tears joined the sweat soaking his face. He could control neither. It was an odd sensation, to cry without conscious effort. But much bigger things occupied his mind. Things that demanded nothing short of his full attention.

He fumbled with the box and dropped it three times before successfully opening it to new opportunities of failure. It took almost 20 minutes too long to accomplish something that took five. He hovered over the little device on the counter, wringing his hands as if his very life rested on a bundle of plastic.

Color formed on the indicator’s surface and a sick feeling punched Tavros in the gut. He wheezed just to make sure he still knew how to breathe. His limbs felt weak, as if someone had just drained them dry. He stumbled, hands flailing blindly to catch himself on the wall as he slumped down on the edge of the bathtub.

Pulling his shaking hands to his face, he began to sob.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE!   
> If you missed the fact in chapter one, in this AU Tavros was never crippled so his legs are just fine.

Two weeks earlier there were tears in Tavros's eyes, but they were not the same as the sobs that would later follow. They were the kind that clung to the edge of his eyes, making them glisten with a wide range of confusing emotions. He had no control over them.

They always did that when he was around him.

It was a party, a small one thrown by someone Tavros couldn't quite remember the name of. He only went because of an invite from a friend in passing and that fact he knew that _he_ would be there. But _he_ was always late and Tavros guessed it was partially on purpose and partially because _he_ was such a busy man.

And that man stood in front of Tavros with a beer in each hand.

The music behind them was muffled and distant. Tavros wasn't sure how they ended up in that secluded part of the house, but he wasn't going to question it. Dave offered him a beer. Tavros accepted and took a few polite sips.

“It's been a while.” Dave leaned closer and his voice went low.

A flash of heat radiated from Tavros's stomach and made its way to his face. His lips parted for words, but they did not come. Dave took it as an invitation. A tug on Tavros shirt was followed by an open mouth kiss. Dave pulled him into it and Tavros tried not to drop his beer, but Dave's tongue replaced all concern for anything else.

Kissing Dave was like Tavros having his first kiss all over again, except with more excitement and less awkward stumbling. Much less. Dave's hand was in his hair, just below his horn. Tavros gasped into the kiss as Dave's fingertips circled the sensitive area where horn met skull. Tavros's knees weakened and he had to cling to Dave's shirt just to stay standing.

At some point they made it to the wall; their beers dropped and gone. Dave pressed Tavros against it as his free hand ran from Tavros's side all the way to his thigh, squeezing as he went. Tavros gasped and whipped his head back, horntips scraping against the wall. With the troll's neck fully exposed, Dave went for his collarbone, licking up to the center of his neck. He placed a kiss on the damp, sensitive flesh.

“Dave.” Tavros breathed out. It ended in a sound similar to a purr.

The edges of Dave's glasses were cold against Tavros's skin as he licked along the troll's neck. The glasses were always there, even when they were connected and panting and Tavros was groaning his name. Dave didn't take his glasses off; not for Tavros. It was a fact that was often forgotten until a chance glint in the darkness that twisted Tavros's stomach in the worst way.

Tavros's purr grew louder as Dave worked his way up his neck. He tilted his head back, breath rising with the heat in his core. Dave said nothing, only a soft breath through his nose, out of time with his steady pace, which felt cold on the troll's damp skin. Tavros shivered. His legs seeming to move on their own accord as they spread, lifted, and one wrapped around Dave to pull him closer.

The purring became a soft, breathy, almost musical trill as Dave moved higher, licking directly beneath the troll's chin.

“Back pocket. Left side,” Dave mumbled into the spot where Tavros's chin met his neck. The sound rumbled into Tavros's skin and his trill was broken by a low moan.

Words were difficult and all Tavros could manage was a “Yea” under his breath as he struggled to get his fingers in Dave's pocket.

“Take your time.” Dave traced Tavros's jawline with licks and tiny kisses that ended in soft sucking. “If you wanna play with my ass a bit, that's cool.”

Tavros whimpered and tightened his jaw at the comment. His face felt hot as he tried to focus in on his fingers and get them into Dave's pocket without seeming like a complete inexperienced virgin, which he hadn't been for several years.

After a few adjustments he had the wrapper between his fingers and started to pull it out, but stopped with a chirring gasp when Dave nipped his earlobe. He clamped his other hand on Dave's back, squeezing the fabric, kneading it between his fingertips. His purring rose in intensity and his eyes started to water again as he ground his body against Dave's. The condom was all but forgotten.

“Need some help there?” Dave whispered into Tavros's ear. It was mostly hot breath.

Tavros swallowed. His voice and body still shaking. “N-no.”

Another swallow and his hands were back under his control. He pulled the condom out of Dave's pants and brought it between them. Dave smirked, head tilted as if he were looking straight at Tavros. All Tavros saw was his own blushing face and desperate eyes looking back at him. He glanced away.

The sound of plastic crinkling brought Tavros's eyes back up, but this time to Dave's mouth. The condom wrapper was set between his teeth as he lifted his hand up to start to tear it as slow as possible. Tavros's body went tense as he watched it unseal the night's fate.

It wasn't the first time Dave had fucked him against a wall and Tavros hoped it wouldn't be the last either. In distant parts of the house, the music roared and their slamming bodies matched the beat. Tavros took in every moment of it. Hands going up and down Dave's back, up to his head, fingers tangling in his hair; whimpering, chirring, purring, gasping Dave's name.

Dave was nearly silent except for a change in breath and a few grunts. It was normal for Dave. It wasn't anything special. Not like it was for Tavros. Every time they met like that, it meant something and he knew he was putting feelings where feelings didn't belong. Dave Strider only put feelings into his music, nothing else. _No one_ else.

That never stopped Tavros from making the same mistake over and over again.

Because even though it was temporary, even though it was a meaningless thing built on mutual needs for release, it still meant something. No matter how many other people Dave flirted with or fucked, in those short moments Dave was there with him and _only_ him. And that meant something to Tavros.

It meant something and stung his eyes with tears. He didn't even notice them through the gasps and the moans and the rumbling purrs in the back of his throat. He didn't want to. He just wanted to focus and pretend.

He wanted to pretend that it meant something to Dave too.

When they were done, they went their separate ways. Tavros cleaned up in the bathroom, which he was lucky enough to find empty with no one waiting for it. Dave did some DJing and mingling for a few hours. Tavros struggled through small talk with people he didn't know. He still hadn't found out the name of the girl who had thrown the party and dodged the subject best he could through consuming more beer.

He wasn't sure why he didn't just go home. At least he wasn't sure until Dave returned, energy renewed by the music and Tavros felt special again and more than a little tipsy.

They ended up doing it on the bed of the host's roommate. Tavros was too drunk to care and Dave was too Dave to care.

Early morning hit and the party started to wind down. Dave offered Tavros a ride home and he took it without a second's hesitation. The car ride seemed to last forever. They reeked of sweat, sex, and each other, though Tavros's own scent was much stronger than Dave's. At least it was to trolls, who were equipped with a much better sense of smell. It was the first time Dave had ever been so saturated in it. Tavros smiled to himself the whole ride home.

It made it easier to pretend that Dave was his, only his, and no one else's.

And when they made it to his apartment, Tavros made a note of it to renew his scent when they fucked for the final time of the night in Dave's car.

Tavros slept well that day. It would be one of his last easy rests for a long while.


	3. Chapter 3

The week following the party was a very good week, however conflicted. Tavros chose to ignore any negative feelings he had to leave plenty of room for the good ones, and he got more than his fill of good feelings. And Dave.

A tiny voice in the back of Tavros's mind tried to warn him. At first, it cleared its throat with a polite little _ahem_. It was ignored in favor of listening to Dave's breath in his ear. The voice grew with each encounter until it was screaming, but in the heat of another carnal moment, his own murrs and moans drowned all cautions.

It felt too good to listen.

It felt too good to feel loved.

They ended up tangled and sweating each time they met that week, and there was always more than one round. Most encounters happened in public places. Bathrooms, alleyways, stairwells, a rushed quickie in an elevator. No place was too sacred, except for Dave's place. Tavros had never seen it before, though he hoped that each encounter would be the one where Dave finally took him home.

Dave told Tavros that his place was just as good.

It was afternoon when Tavros woke up from another long, active night. Dave was still asleep, naked under only a sheet. Tavros let his eyes wander over the man's body as he slept. As intimate as they had been, Tavros rarely got the chance to get a good look at Dave. Small scars littered his naked body, each one halfway faded into his skin as if he had worn them for years. Between the scars were occasional freckles. Most ran down his back and upper arms.

As Tavros reached his hand out to touch Dave's bare back, but his hand stilled itself before it could touch him. Tavros wasn't even aware he was chewing his lip until a small prick of pain reminded him. He frowned as he held his hand there, eager fingertips twitching gently. He sighed through his nose before pulling his hand away and getting out of bed for a much needed shower.

By the time Dave woke up, Tavros was pulling biscuits out of the oven. Tavros turned to smile when he heard the other man step out of his room, but once his eyes fell on Dave, _all of Dave_ , his smile faltered and he almost dropped the tray. Dave was completely naked. Tavros glanced over to his roommate's door and hoped she wasn't home or wouldn't be coming back anytime soon.

“How do you like your eggs?” Tavros set the biscuits aside to cool before flipping a few pieces of sizzling bacon.

“Depends.” Dave sauntered over and made himself comfortable at the kitchen table, lounging back in the chair as if nothing was out of place.

Tavros looked away with a darkening of his cheeks.

“Depends on what?”

“Got any Tabasco sauce?”

“Oh.” Tavros lifted on tiptoes to reach the cabinet above the stove, rummaging before pulling down the sauce. “This, right?”

Dave only gave a short nod in response. His movements were slow and tired. A cat eyed clock on the wall ticked as it pointed to 4:13. It was a ridiculous novelty, but Tavros liked cats, though the clock was the closest he had ever been to owning one.

“So, uh, how do you want your eggs?” Tavros set the Tabasco down to tend to the bacon.

“Depends,” Dave stifled a yawn through a clenched jaw.

“Still?” Tavros mouth seemed to battle with itself, it didn't know whether to frown or smile. “But I have the sauce right here.”

“Got ketchup?”

Tavros turned to look at him, tongs holding a piece of bacon midflip. He felt his eyes tighten, and was surprised by the burst of frustrated heat in his chest.

“Of course we have ketchup.” Tavros winced at the bite in his voice. The words didn't sound or feel like his own. only responded with a ghost of a smirk, Tavros's mouth finally decided on a frown. “Are you trying to antagonize me?”

When Dave didn't answer immediately, Tavros searched his face for any changes, however subtle. A raise of brow. A ghost of a sigh. A twitch at the edge of his lips. Subtle was all he ever offered. There was nothing.

“I'll take 'em scrambled.”

Tavros took a breath as he turned and started working on the eggs. He didn't bother asking Dave how many, just making what seemed like enough, which ended up being near half a dozen. Dave got bored and opened the fridge from a wide angle, as if he expected something to fall out of it. He helped himself to a beer, drinking down half as he stood naked in front of the open fridge door.

“Good. Afternoon.” A distracted voice says very slowly from the end of the kitchen and Tavros jerks, sending a few bits of egg onto the stovetop.

“K-Kanaya.” Tavros speaks to hide the fact his heart's pounding as he wipes the stove. “I thought you worked late today.”

Kanaya glanced over at Dave. The blonde was still invading their fridge with his arm leaning over the door. He greeted her with a tip of his beer before taking a drink. She looked back at Tavros.

“It's Saturday.” There was a slight twitch in her nose and her eyes made their way back to Dave, who was reaching for another beer. He left the empty can next to the unopened ones.

“Oh. Oh yeah.” Tavros's replaced the bacon in the pan, his movements starting to get tense and stiff. “I guess I've just, um, kinda lost track of time lately.”

“So it seems.”

Dave closed the fridge door, a beer in one hand and ketchup in the other.

Kanaya's eyes didn't move.

Dave was in his full natural glory.

Her lips pursed.

Dave returned to sit at the table like he was giving a show, both trolls ignored him.

“You've been out a lot lately.” Kanaya took a step into the kitchen and turned to open a cabinet with a tidy rack of various teas. She selected one with only a glance. Tavros started to shake a little, his spatula rattling softly against the pan. Kanaya didn't seem to notice.

Tavros huffed his answer, as if he'd lost his breath. “I've been, um, kind of busy lately.”

Dave plucked at the tab of his beer can with his teeth. Tavros grunted with a twitch at the sound and dumped a large pile of scrambled eggs onto a waiting plate.

Kanaya busied herself with filling a teakettle full of water before moving beside Tavros at the stove. As she reached around to set the kettle on an unused eye, she casually set a hand on Tavros's back. He flinched at the touch and she pulled her hand away as if nothing had happened.

“I do hope that you're not overworking yourself.” She watched as Tavros piled bacon and biscuits on the plate as well. There was only one.

“I'm not.” There was a hint of a tone as he spoke through his teeth. “Thank you.”

Dave's beer made another impatient twang and Tavros's hands jerked, nearly losing a piece of bacon to the floor. He huffed and bit his lip. Kanaya stepped away, passing Dave to get a mug from another cabinet.

A sound rumbled in Tavros's throat and he blinked as he looked back at Kanaya, to see if she heard. The look in her eye said she did.

The tea kettle whistled, and Kanaya went to retrieve it, the sound growing in Tavros's throat until it was a full growl. It intensified when Kanaya was close to Dave, then died back down to something more steady once she was by the stove.

Tavros coughed a few times to cover the sound. Dave only responded with a lift of an eyebrow.

Kanaya prepared her tea without a word and started to leave the kitchen. Before she stepped out, she turned back to them.

“Tavros.” He looked up at his name, the growling starting to fade. “I am not far if you need me.” With that said, she was gone.

Tavros didn't give himself even a moment to recover before he set the large plate of food down in front of Dave. Half the tabasco and ketchup slathered plate was gone by the time Tavros got Dave another beer. Dave glanced up when the troll opened it for him before focusing back on his food. The room was silent except for the sound of fork against glass and the ticking of the cat clock.

“What are you doing tonight?” Tavros sat down at the table and watched Dave.

Dave shrugged and shoved a piece of sauce soaked biscuit in his mouth.

“I was, um, wondering if you--”

Dave looked up with such a sudden rigidness that Tavros shut his mouth with a startled blush.

“Don't you have other people to see?” His tone was flat.

“Um.” Tavros looked down and adjusted his legs under the table just to let off some nervous energy. “Well. I guess. But I was hoping--.”

“People will start thinking things.” Dave finished the last few bites of food, chasing it down with a swig of beer. “I've got a reputation to maintain, Nitram.”

Something always twisted at Tavros's stomach when he used his last name, something painful. “What, uh, do you mean?”

Dave spoke as he got up, leaving the plate where it was, but finishing the beer. “People might start thinking we're more than just friends. ”

Tavros froze.

“Oh,” was all he could say.

After eating, Dave changed back into his clothes. They didn't exchange any words. Tavros couldn't bring himself to look Dave in the face and sat on his bed as he watched him leave. Once the door was shut and the sound of Dave's car all but faded, Tavros slumped down to his side, grasping for a pillow with needy hands. He pulled it close to his chest and pressed his face into it. It still smelled like _him_.

Tavros didn't even try to stop the shuddering tears that followed.


	4. Chapter 4

Tavros woke with a headache and wet eyes. His dreams had all faded, but the hollow feeling they left remained.

Wiping his tears away, he smacked his dry lips and lifted his head off the bed. His room was empty, quiet except for a few songbirds outside his window. With a grunt he staggered out of bed, nearly tripping over the sheets tangled around his legs. He looked around his bedroom, half asleep and confused, before his eyes fell on his cellphone.

It was something of a doomed hope that guided his hand to pick up his phone, something not unlike what a convict in an electric chair might feel, hoping for a sudden power outage. The screen told him that he had several missed calls and text messages, quite a bit more than usual, but none of them were from the person he wanted.

He was about to set his cellphone back down when he caught a chance look at the date.

“Oh fuck.”

The curse was partnered with a loud growl of his stomach.

Two days.

He had been asleep for _two_ full days.

Suddenly the world seemed a very dizzy, foreign place. He swayed and stumbled across the room, catching himself on the wall with a heavy slap of his palm. Two days. Tavros wasn't sure where he was anymore. It was like someone shook him off time itself and left him to drift in some timeless void.

Then the panic set in. One of those days was a work day.

Tears returned to silently run down his face. Tavros looked down at his cellphone, there was still time to make it to work that day, it was only a few hours before he was scheduled. He took a breath to try to calm himself, but ended up hyperventilating. Gasping for air and choking down sobs, he stumbled out of his room and into the kitchen, scrambling for a glass of water.

He didn't notice Kanaya sitting at the kitchen table with a book and a steaming cup of tea set in front of her.

“I had the intention of asking you if you felt any better, but I can clearly see that is not the case.” Kanaya took a sip of tea, calm despite her roommate's breakdown.

“I slept through a whole day of work!” Tavros cried, hands in his hair, thumbs hooked under the base of his horns. “I can't believe I-- I've never done that before. And. And. Oh my god.” He pulled his hands away as he looked at her, fresh hot tears streaming down his face. “I-I'm going to get fired.”

Kanaya set her tea cup down. “Tavros. Sweetie. Please calm yourself.”

“H-How can I c-calm do-down if,” he started to hiccup, “if I lose my j-job. Becau-because of. Because.”

Tavros couldn't finish his sentence as he wheezed and hiccuped pitifully.

“Tavros.” Kanaya's voice softened to a near musical tone. “You will not lose your job.”

He squeaked.

“I contacted your department and informed them that you were too ill to work.” Her hands folded over her book as she spoke. “If you require another day to recover from whatever it is that has been ailing you, I can do so again.”

“Y-you,” Tavros's teeth chattered as the knot of tightness in his chest and stomach loosened.

“Yes, dear.”

A new wave of tears drenched his face as he fought to wipe them away. He sniffled a shaky thanks, suddenly very exhausted. The cat clock ticked and his stomach growled.

Kanaya made him sit as she prepared a meal for him. Tavros fidgeted from the guilt that always came with her doting, but he was too hungry and too upset to argue. He calmed down after eating and Kanaya left it at that. She didn't question him, but instead quietly cleaned up before wishing him a good day and retiring to her room.

With each step Tavros took towards work, he felt guilty. With each breath he took inside its clean towering walls, he felt more guilty. With each coworker he passed before retreating behind a large curved lobby desk, he felt like the guilt would kill him. He was burning with it. But nothing was out of the ordinary. No one had approached him to scold him. No one had fired looks of disappointment.

It was all terrifyingly normal.

A few phone calls and some busy work helped ease Tavros back into the normal swing of things. All of his outside problems seemed to melt away as he focused on work. His job wasn't difficult, but it wasn't easy for a fresh graduate to land even a secretarial job at the United Alternia-Earth Industries, or UAE for short. Even though he worked in a smaller branch of the Information Technologies department that served as a middle man between outside laboratories, his job was still important.

That importance always gave Tavros a little boost of confidence and self esteem. He was good at his job, well liked by his coworkers, and he already attracted the attention of his higher ups. He only wished he was as skilled in his love life.

“Heeey Tav.” A smooth and somewhat deep voice snapped Tavros out of a zone of concentration.

The friendly smile Tavros shot back was on instinct, but it widened when he saw the troll who approached. “Oh. Hello, Gamzee.”

“You come down with some kind of sickness yesterday?” Gamzee leaned on the desk.

Gamzee was a far cry from the gangly, messy-haired kid he once was, who used to wear ridiculous clown make up on more than one occasion. He had grown into a sturdy, well built troll. His hair was still a little hard to tame. Despite his ponytail, a few stubborn, wavy strands rested against his face. He was dressed in a dark, sharp business suit. As a secretary, Tavros was allowed to dress much more casually.

“Uh. Yeah. I don't know.” Tavros frowned thinking about it. “I slept a lot.”

A growl from Tavros's stomach made him jump. Gamzee smirked

“Didja get a chance to eat before work?”

Tavros nodded, a hint of a blush across his cheeks. “Yeah. But, uh, I guess sleeping so much makes you really hungry.”

Gamzee straightened to check his expensive wristwatch before looking back at Tavros. “We're almost off. Dinner? My treat. I'll take ya some place nice.”

“Oh wow.” Tavros fidgeted a little. Their definitions of _nice_ were vastly different. “You don't have to, but uh, if you really want to, yeah.”

He smiled politely and Gamzee pulled back with a wink and smirk.

“I'll pick you up at the drop off.”

The phone rang and Tavros dove back into work until the end of his shift.

At dinner, Tavros was thankful for how much of a blanket term “nice” was. It wasn't fancy by normal standards, but for Tavros even higher end chain restaurants dance the line of _nice_. The restaurant was modern, with a sleek and clean theme. The food served there was a sort of mix of Italian and Sushi, all centering around seafood.

Gamzee ordered a wine, but the smell made Tavros's stomach churn so he settled for a water.

“I guess I might still be a little sick.”

“How are ya feeling now?” Gamzee took a sip of wine, not taking his eyes off him.

“A little out of it, oh,” Tavros paused to look up at the waiter as he set down their salads,” thank you. But it was kind of scary to sleep for two days straight.” He frowned as he started on his salad, hunger starting to eat away at his manners.

“Wow. Two days.” Gamzee was much slower, grabbing his fork but not yet eating. “That must have been some bug you had there.”

“Yeah.” An awkward guilt joined the pain in Tavros's stomach, but he silenced it with more bits of vinaigrette drenched cucumbers. “But, uh, I'm pretty sure it's gone now, so that's good.”

He forced a smile despite his heart drifting to what had happened before he fell asleep.

“It is. I hate knowing my lil Tavbro has got some bug making his life hell.” Gamzee finally took a bite, waiting to finish before speaking. “Didn't see much of you last week, were you sick then too? You seemed pretty tired at work.”

A hard blush flushed Tavros face and he took a drink of water to try to cool it. He glanced off to the side, needing a moment before he could look Gamzee in his calm, patient eyes.

“U-ah.” Tavros coughed when his voice squeaked a little. “Excuse me, sorry. Um. I was just busy. Doing a lot of--- stuff.”

“I see.” Gamzee turned to greet the waiter, who had come with appetizers, quite a few of them.

Tavros was thankful for the distraction, especially since he had finished his salad. Normally he would feel a little guilty for eating so much, but he felt like he was starving. With all the food covering most of the table, he couldn't refuse even if he wanted to.

“You missed a great party last week.” Gamzee set a few small samples of appetizers on his plate, eating very little compared to Tavros. “It was fuckin' wild.” His face lit as the memories hit him. “We're throwing one this weekend, you should come if you're feeling up to it.”

“I'd love to.” Tavros licked his lips, content but far from sated. “And, uh, sorry about that. I was at one of Dave's gigs that night.” He mumbled through the word _Dave_.

Gamzee's expression went dark and his eyes tightened. Tavros glanced away, wishing the waiter would come already.

“ _Dave_.” Gamzee repeated with a displeased lift of his lip.

“Y-Yeah.” Tavros reached for his empty glass, tapping his fingers along the condensation as if it was fascinating. “He asked me to go a few weeks ago. And. Hm.” It seemed best to not drag the topic out.

Gamzee gave a short sigh, almost an angry huff. “I can't believe you hang out with _him_.”

“He's not so bad.” Tavros busied himself with his silverware, rearranging it a few times on the table before glancing up for the still absent waiter.

“I really fuckin' beg to differ on that.” Gamzee's fork scraped against his plate as he cut his food with a bit too much force.

Tavros winced at the sound, but tried to smile despite his sad eyes. “We, uh, probably wouldn't have become friends if not for him, you know.”

Gamzee looked up with a burning in his eyes before looking away, as if it was impossible to look at Tavros that way. “Still.” He paused to take a long sip of wine, glancing out across the dining room himself to try to spot the waiter. “He's an asshole.”

“Well, um. Yeah, he is.” Tavros couldn't argue that fact. “But he's still my friend and, uh, stuff.”

“You should really reconsider that, Tav. You're just going to end up hurt.” There was something similar to a searching suspicion in Gamzee's eyes, but it quickly disappeared. “You've seen what he does to his so called 'friends'.”

“He just, uh, um.” Tavros fidgeted and glanced around. The waiter was finally on his way with a sizable main course and Tavros smiled. The waiter was his belated hero. “Oh! Food's here.”

With great reluctance, Gamzee accepted the subject change. For the rest of the meal, he remained somewhat tense. Tavros tried his best to lighten the mood, but it was far from recoverable. After dinner was over, Tavros thanked Gamzee with a hug before heading back home. Once he got back, he was irritated to find that despite the huge meal, he needed to make himself more food.

After eating again, he sat in bed and stared at his cellphone with the screen on an empty text message. He sighed to himself, thinking about what Gamzee had said. Dave _was_ an asshole, and in Tavros's humble opinion, he was being a really huge one lately. He conveniently ignored the fact that he himself was trying to push for more than his friend with benefits had agreed upon.

It wasn't always like that, though.

Tavros sighed and closed his eyes, letting his cellphone drop to the floor. A long time ago, things were different. So different. It hurt his heart to think that things ended up feeling so cold. Sometimes he wondered if Dave was even the same boy he had fallen in love with all those years ago. If not, he wondered where that boy had gone, and how he could, if ever, get him back.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter makes up for its lateness.

School was big.

Very big.

Trolls normally towered over their human counterparts, but not Tavros. He was small for his age and the towering building made him feel even smaller. It was his first day of school and he was nervous, very nervous. For the first nine years of his life he was homeschooled, until his mother got a better job and they moved into a better house in a better neighborhood.

Tavros always wanted to go to school.

Children of all ages, all sizes, all shapes, a mix of human and troll, walked past him on the long shaded path to the main doors. Tavros took each step with great caution as if he were sneaking around sleeping predators. He had never seen so many children in one place before and their numbers made him feel smaller than the building did.

A few girls giggled as they passed Tavros.

The only words he caught were 'stuffed animal'. It made him wince and he clung tighter to the little plush toy in his arms. It was a bull with a set of plush wings. The fur was white once, but the years had left the color slightly off. Without the bull he was certain that the tiny threats of tears would have dripped down his face the moment he set foot outside.

Tavros panicked when he was almost late for class, having lost himself on the other side of the building. Walking through the halls of higher grades felt like trespassing. Even the wall decorations screamed _You do not belong here_.

He started to wonder if they were right.

When he finally stumbled into the right room, the bell rang. Kids were already at their seats, which were assigned with nametags. Tavros chewed his lip as he looked around. He squeezed his little stuffed animal close as he avoided everyone's gaze. At the front of the room, the teacher was occupied with paperwork.

Once he found his seat, Tavros sat down and stared straight ahead. A few giggles bubbled off to his side, but he ignored them and hunched over his desk so that his shirt covered his stuffed animal. The teacher stood and went started role call, struggling through some of the more complicated troll names.

Her voice became a buzz after she called Tavros, who responded with a timid voice. His attention went back to his stuffed animal as she continued to call names.

“Dave Strider.” The teacher repeated as she looked up for a response.

“Sup,” said a blond kid as he strolled into class with his hands shoved into his pockets.

The first thing that caught Tavros's attention were the oddly shaped pair of pointy sunglasses. They extended out farther than most sunglasses Tavros had seen.

They looked--- _cool_.

“Please take your seat, Dave.” The teacher motioned to the only free seat in the class.

Tavros eyes followed as Dave slumped down in his seat, leaning back and lounging with his legs spread. It wasn't until Dave turned his head towards Tavros that he realized he was staring. With a quick turn of his head and a nervous chew of his lip, Tavros gave his full attention back to the teacher.

The actual classwork wasn't difficult, but it was hard to focus with all the other kids. They kept looking at him and his little bull. Not even an hour had passed when he tucked it inside his desk. He didn't dare take his hand away and gently stroked its soft ears until the bell rang.

By lunchtime Tavros was miserable and homesick.

The cafeteria was loud. Even an empty table at the edge of the room couldn't spare him from the buzz of voices. He was glad that his lunch was packed. The last thing he wanted to do was stand around in line with the other kids. They'd probably say worse things with no teacher there to stop them.

Inside Tavros's lunch bag was a note that read: _I hope you have a great day at school today and make a lot of new friends. When you get home we'll make peanut butter cookies. I love you so much, Tav._

His heart ached for home.

From the corner of his eye, Tavros noticed movement. He glanced over to see his stuffed bull slip away.

“H-Hey!” Tavros turned to see a troll girl with short cropped hair and large glasses walk off with it. “W-Wait! Hey! That's, that's mine!”

Tavros scrambled after her in a panic. Chair legs tangled with his own and he fell to the floor with a clatter and a grunt. His palms stung as they hit the cold floor, but the pain went unnoticed as terrified eyes followed where his legs couldn't.

“Don't mind me, dork.” She waved a dismissive hand.

Horror gripped Tavros's heart so hard he wheezed. At the end of the cafeteria was a row of garbage cans, half full of the school day's worth of trash. The girl was heading straight for them with purpose in each slow step. Tavros tried to cry out but his words stuck in his throat. He stumbled to his feet, almost falling over himself a second time.

“I'm doing you a favor. You'll thank me for this someda---”

She nearly bumped into Dave.

“Sup, Serket.”

“Get out of the way.” Serket tried to go around him, but each time she was blocked by a sidestep from Dave.

His hands found their way to his pockets. “Whatcha got there?”

“None of your business.”

Tavros caught up to them. Dave glanced over at him before looking down at the stuffed animal.

“I respect this sudden interest in cool, Serket. What's that, some kind of fairy cow? I'm hurt. I'm actually hurting here because I didn't think of it first. I might have to start taking notes.” He patted over his chest with searching hands. “Damn. Do you have a pen?”

Serket rolled her eyes. “Just move.”

“So help me out here. Should I get a unicorn or would that be too close to copying?”

“You're a dork.” She threw the bull at Dave and stormed off.

Tavros pulled his stuffed animal into a tight hug and didn't bother to blink away his grateful tears. He sniffled and looked up at Dave who hooked his thumbs back into his pockets. The expression he wore was blank. Tavros smiled.

“Um.Th-Thanks.”

“Are you stupid or something?”

Tavros recoiled. “W-What?”

Dave eyes weren't visible behind his shades, but Tavros could feel the serious stare. He felt guilty and he didn't know why.

“What are you doing bringing something like that to school? Don't you know people will eat you up and crap you out like you're yesterday's leftover mystery meat?”

“I'm not stupid.” Tavros bit his lip and looked away, fingers picking at his bull's soft ear. “ I didn't know it'd, um, be like this.”

Dave's lips tightened to a thin line. “You didn't know.”

“I didn't. It's, it's my first day of school, okay?” Tavros glared at Dave though his eyes threatened to overflow with tears.

“What?” Dave sighed. “Oh my gog. No wonder you don't know anything.”

“People go to school to, um, _learn_.” Tavros growled before looking away again.

“Whoa now, kid.” There was something resembling a laugh in Dave's voice. “I'm not the one you need to be spitting that fire at.”

“Sorry.”

“Tell ya what, kid.” Dave looked the troll up and down. “Now, I'm really going out of my way here and all, but how about I teach you how things go down around here? Elementary school survival 101 from the Strider himself. You should feel honored I'm even offering this once in a lifetime deal.”

“R-Really?” Tavros hugged his stuffed animal and his whole body lifted with his grin.

“Okay, first lesson. Don't go squealing and wetting yourself whenever someone's not being a jerk to you. Got it?”

“But I didn't wet mys---”

“That's not the point. It's a figure of speech. We'll get to that.”

“Um. Okay.”

“So what's your name, kid?”

“It's, um, Tavros Nitram.”

“And his?” Dave pointed.

“Uh?” Tavros glanced down.

“Oh come on. Don't play that. I know that any third grader who'd bring a fairy cow to class would name it too.”

“His name is Tinkerbull.” Tavros smiled and lifted it up as if he were showing off his new puppy.

“You're really something special, aren't you?” Dave shook his head and started to turn. “Anyway. I got people to see. I'm in high demand around here.”

“Hey. Um. Wait, please?” Tavros scooted forward as if it would keep the other boy there. “You never told me your name.”

“Dave Strider.” He smirked enough to show hints of teeth. “But you already knew that, didn't you?”

Tavros buried half his face in Tinkerbull to hide his smile. “I, um, I did.”

“Well, Nitram.” Dave adjusted his glasses. “It's gonna take a lot of work, but I think we can at least get you through this in one piece.”

“Can I ask one more thing?” Tavros lowered Tinkerbull.

“You just did.”

“No. I mean, uh, another thing. Why are you wearing those sunglasses inside?”

Dave lifted a finger to tap the edge of his pointy shades. “Because I'm too cool. Even got a doctor's note for 'em because my coolness is a medical issue. These babies protect you from getting frostbite every time you look at me. It's for your own protection, kid.”

Without waiting for a reply, Dave walked off, leaving Tavros smiling and hopeful.

The next few months went by like a dream.

Each morning Tavros waited outside the steps to school and greeted Dave with a hop and a grin and each day Dave casually scolded him on how uncool it was. Tinkerbull was also deemed a danger to “cool” so Tavros kept him hidden away in his backpack. At first Tavros was late to class when waiting for Dave, but as time went on Dave was late less and less. He was even early sometimes.

Those were the best days.

Dave's presence during lunch and recess was never a guaranteed thing. He came and went as he pleased, but Tavros was okay with that. Even if the only thing they did was walk to class in the morning, Tavros was happy. Dave was a cool kid, after all, and if Tavros were older he'd feel like his time spent with the boy had to be penciled into his very busy, very cool schedule.

Dave fought.

A lot.

Tavros shied away whenever Dave and another boy got into a tussle. While other kids crowded around and chanted, Tavros retreated to some far end of the playground where, if he hadn't been sent home for the day, Dave wandered over to after the dust settled. Tavros's pleas and worries that Dave might get suspended or expelled always went unanswered, so he learned to be content with sitting next to Dave and watching the playground with their hands nearly touching.

Winter brought with it Dave's worst fight.

It was with a scraggly troll boy Tavros only knew as a class bully and he was more often than not Dave's opponent in their playground battles. Tavros avoided the boy under stern warning, even though he seemed harmless whenever Dave wasn't around. He was unpredictable and that was what made him dangerous, so Dave told him.

Dave was sent home early, so Tavros walked home alone. It was cold and he huddled deeper into his coat. He almost didn't hear sounds of sobbing in some large bushes outside of school. Tavros paused, listening to make sure he wasn't hearing things.

A stuttering sniffle followed by a ruffle of branches was enough for Tavros to stick his head in. The branches all went up and cascaded down, making a perfect little hideaway. At the far corner was a kid, a troll by the looks of the horns sticking out of his long mess of hair, sitting with his back to Tavros.

The boy's whole body shook in a way that wasn't from the cold.

“Hey. Um.” Tavros pushed some branches aside and stooped at the edge of the bush. “Are you okay?”

“Go away.” The kid growled into his sleeve and didn't even give Tavros the courtesy of turning around.

“But.” Tavros scooted inside, tilting his head in hopes of getting a glimpse of his face. “But you're crying.”

“So? What do you care?”

“It's sad when people cry. Maybe, um, maybe I can help.”

“You can't help.” The kid lowered his head.

Dry twigs snapped as Tavros edged towards him. “Why not?”

The boy whipped around, teeth bared and face wet.

“Because you're friends with him!”

Tavros fell back on his butt with a surprised grunt. With his face in full view, Tavros knew the boy. It was the bully, the one that earlier Dave was on top of and hitting with clenched fists. Bruises dotted his face and one eye held a clean dark circle.

“Ow. Um.” Tavros brushed jabbing leaves and twigs off himself. “You mean Dave?” He couldn't even hope to pretend that he had anyone else that fit into the label of _friend_.

“Yes. Him,” the boy spat.

“What's wrong with Dave?”

“Everything.”

Tavros frowned.

“I think he's, um, real cool.”

“That's because he's all nice to you and stuff.” The kid huffed through his nose. It had a bit of a whistle from his crying. “If you're thinking he's like that to everyone then you're just some kinda crazy.”

“But, um.”

“He's a stupid jerk. And you're probably stupid for liking him.”

“I'm not stupid.” Tavros mumbled to himself.

The other boy's eyes said otherwise as he turned back around. There was a silence. Outside their little hideaway the buses passed them on their return trip back to school. A little bird landed on the bush then popped up with a chitter once it realized the two boys were there.

“Hey, um.” Tavros dared a little closer.

When he got no reply, he settled down next to the boy, who slid a side glance over at him, but said nothing. Tavros studied his face. It looked like the anger had bled out and all that was left was something that made Tavros's stomach sink. His lips followed with a frown.

“Um.” Tavros worked his teeth as he tried to build up a smile that wasn't halfhearted. There were so many things he wanted to express, but he wasn't sure how to translate them into words.

So he said the first thing that came to mind.

“I could, um, be your friend. If you want.”

No response. Tavros didn't let it affect his smile.

“Yeah, um. I could be your friend and then Dave won't be, uh, mean to you, because then I could tell him to stop because you're my friend too.” Tavros's grin grew when the boy turned his head towards him. “He, uh, he listens to me when I'm upset about stuff. But don't, um, tell anyone that. He gets real weird about stuff like that. And um. Um.”

Tavros stopped when he realized he was being stared at.

A wave of sudden nervousness crashed over Tavros as those eyes stared right through him. He managed to keep his smile on.

“Y-Yeah, so. Um. We could be friends. And.”

“Okay.” The kid's voice was quiet.

“O-Oh. Um. So that's a yes? You'll, um, be my friend?”

“Mmhmm.” He nodded, looking a little shy himself.

“That's, that's great!” Tavros's face lit with a wide grin. “But, um. I don't really know your name.”

“It's Gamzee.” He picked at a twig.

“I'm Tavros. And, um, I think we'll be great friends, Gamzee. I know it!”

Outside another bird chittered a warning and Tavros touched Gamzee's shoulder. He flinched at first, but let his hand stay.

“Hey, Gamzee. Um.” Tavros shifted back up to a squat, pointing towards the direction of the street. “Do you um, wanna come over maybe? I mean, I don't have a lot of games or anything, but um, I got a neat tree house and, um, we could find something fun I bet. We could get some hot chocolate too.”

Gamzee smiled and Tavros found it contagious.

As the weeks passed, Gamzee spent more and more time with Tavros and Dave spent less and less. The wars they once waged with fists died down to passing glares.

Dave still walked Tavros to class in the morning, but the afternoons home were Gamzee's. Unlike Dave, Gamzee actually spent time with Tavros outside of school.

Most evenings were spent at Tavros's house, where they came home to snacks and hugs. At first Gamzee was awkward about the way Tavros's mother hugged him like he was her own, but as the days went by he froze less and leaned into her arms more. Darkness was usually hours old before Gamzee's father came to pick him up, but the boys were okay with that. It meant plenty of time to get homework out of the way and move onto card games and clubhouse meetings in the treehouse.

Recess was divided by some unspoken rule that Tavros never figured out. Some days Dave would strut up to Tavros and Gamzee would disappear to some unseen end of the playground. Other days Gamzee was waiting for him and Dave was nowhere to be found.

As much as Tavros enjoyed having not one, but two friends, his stomach always clenched when he was caught between the looks and indirect threats that flew over his head like guided missiles. Every day felt like he was stepping into an elementary war zone that no smiles or offerings of peace could subdue.

One day, Dave decided Tavros's shoulders made a great armrest and their friendship changed. He started to stand closer, close enough for Tavros to smell strawberry soap mixed with what was very much Dave. At lunch, their knees touched and when Tavros mumbled an apology and shifted in his seat, Dave's leg followed.

The biggest surprise came the day Dave invited himself over. It was cold, but they sat in Tavros's treehouse and Dave showed him how to mix songs on his laptop, just like his big brother. The complicated program confused Tavros, but he liked sitting side by side, keeping each other warm.

Gamzee changed too.

It started with a sleepover. The night ended with Gamzee in bed beside Tavros after Gamzee woke up crying from nightmares. Tavros pet his hair until the other boy drifted back to sleep. Hugging became more routine, and in the middle of winter Tavros welcomed the embrace of warm arms. At school, Gamzee slipped into a habit of leaning against Tavros or laying his head in his lap so that Tavros could play with his hair.

By February Tavros left Tinkerbull at home.

Valentine's day was different in school. At home, it meant little gifts, often homemade, and a big family dinner. It was about appreciating loved ones. At school the kids had to give each other little cards and candy. Tavros got something extra for his friends; two chocolate hearts, each one decorated special.

It was a bright and early Valentine's morning when Tavros gave Dave his heart.

Dave gave him his first kiss on the lips.

Tavros's blush was still warm when Gamzee ran over and gave Dave a punch to the mouth.


End file.
